Haney and William E. Southeast Missouri State University Acknowledgments. Also, gratitude is extended to XXX-Editor xxx and two anonymous reviewers for their peer-review commentary this chapter was previously published in the xxxxxxx. Romantic perfectionism, relationship affect, and romantic attachment. Student research in psychology at Southeast Missouri State University. Abstract The purpose of the investigation presented in Chapter 4 was to examine the impact of romantic perfectionism on both relationship affect i. The results revealed that particular aspects of romantic perfectionism were significantly associated with a variety of relationship affects and also with several of the adult romantic attachment styles. The discussion focuses on how specific aspects of perfectionism may be beneficial to romantic relationships, while other aspects may have a detrimental effect on adult romance. Hamachek argues that perfectionism involves not only particular patterns of behavior but also specific thoughts and beliefs.


Few studies to date, however, have investigated what domains people are perfectionistic in. Using two samples university students, Internet users , the present study investigated how being perfectionistic in 22 domains of life was related to perfectionism, age, gender, and satisfaction with life. Across samples, work and studies were the domains that most participants reported being perfectionistic in, followed by bodily hygiene, spelling, and presentation of documents.

Whereas age, gender, and satisfaction with life showed significant relationships with selected domains of life, perfectionism showed significant positive correlations with the overall score number of domains affected by perfectionism and with being perfectionistic in individual domains. Further analyses showed that self-oriented perfectionism, rather than socially prescribed perfectionism, was responsible for these correlations. The findings indicate that, in most domains, being perfectionistic is internally motivated and not externally motivated.

Perfectionism in dating and relationships Seeking Mr. He would sincerely and succinctly articulate to anyone who asked, exactly what he was looking for in a mate. But inevitably every date or two would end in disaster. Put bluntly, when one is more wed to his ideals about dating than to the potential for a meaningful, lasting relationship with an excellent partner with whom to grow together, he might be suffering from perfectionism. Why be concerned with a pervasive preoccupation with perfection?

The answer is clear. Perfection is not a Torah desired concept to be had in relationships. It is something to be built in relationships. The Malbim Yeshaya While on the surface these two concepts seem similar, temimut refers to perfection. It is a notation that implies no blemish whatsoever. Sheleimut, refers to a complete achievement — doing the best that is possible for the particular type.

To the person seeking a relationship while seeking perfection all along, these stages are never possible.


It is a wonderful notion: You can find that elsewhere. What I really want to look into is how sometimes as earnest, Bible-believing Christians, we intensify our perfectionism and miss the boat — that even many un-believers are succeeding at.

Confessions of a Former Perfectionist How four discoveries helped me realize my unreasonable expectations of my husband By Kathy Collard Miller Confessions of a Former Perfectionist This slideshow is only available for subscribers. Please log in or subscribe to view the slideshow. One evening when I returned home from shopping, my husband, Larry, met me at the door, grinning. What’s he up to?

He led me into the kitchen and announced, “I did the dishes for you! But you haven’t wiped the counter, I thought. You haven’t finished the dishes!

What Does It Mean to Be Perfect

If you suspect that you have these traits, please leave this website and redirect your attention to alternative web content, which might feel more congruent with your personal views and needs. At the very heart of the borderline’s acting-out behaviors is core shame, a leftover if you will, from a childhood fraught with confusing messages, neglect and abuse, which left them doubting their lovability and worth from infancy onward.

Any self-acknowledged error makes a Borderline think they’re a “bad person,” which is why their denial defenses are so thick and they’re unable to accept or own their shortcomings and failings. Perfectionistic traits are most often observed in the Borderline Queen. If you even hint that she’s made a mistake, she becomes highly offended and indignant. The BPD Queen has harshly judged and dissociated from all darker or “negative” emotions, because she believes them to be unacceptable and wrong, so she sure as hell won’t make any room for yours!

In the process, he misses the whole point altogether. We want to be healthy perfectionists who are truly achieving personal excellence, not maladaptive perfectionists who are sabotaging our own personal growth efforts. Advertising Here are my 8 personal tips on how we can be healthy perfectionists. I used to review a blog post times before I publish. All the reviewing only amounted to nuance changes in phrasings and the occasional typos.

It was extremely ineffective. Now I scan it once or twice and publish it. Be conscious of trade-offs. When we spend time and energy on something, we deny ourselves from spending the same time and energy on something else. There are tons of things we can do, and we need to be aware of the trade-offs involved, so we can better draw a line 1. Being conscious of this helps me make a better choice on how to spend my time.

Get a view of the big picture.

Why Being A Perfectionist May Not Be So Perfect

Do you ever feel like everybody is judging you at every moment, just waiting for you to make a mistake? Do you ever catch yourself doing the same to them? Worst of all, do you do it to yourself on other peoples’ behalf? It’s not just you. According to a new study , a lot of us are feeling the strain of perfectionism these days, and it comes in three distinct, anxiety-inducing flavors.

Received Jun 2; Accepted Sep 4. This article has been cited by other articles in PMC. Abstract Objectives Individuals with insomnia often report aspects of perfectionism and symptoms of anxiety and depression. Investigation of these factors together has been limited. As such, the aim of the present study was to examine the extent to which the association between perfectionism and insomnia symptoms was mediated by anxiety and depression, concurrently and longitudinally.

Methods Seventy-six members from the general-population participated at baseline. Data from 57 participants were subsequently analysed at twelve-month follow-up. Correlational analysis examined longitudinal associations between perfectionism and insomnia symptoms. Hierarchical regression analysis examined whether significant associations remained after controlling for anxiety and depression.

Results Baseline insomnia symptoms were associated with future doubts about action. Further, this relationship was mediated by preceding symptoms of anxiety and concurrent symptoms of insomnia.


More Than Dotting Your I’s and Crossing Your T’s Perfectionism is more than just a need to dot your I’s and cross your T’s; it’s a state of mind characterized by “all or nothing” thinking, holding your own actions to unreasonably high standards, focusing heavily on results and a fear of failure. She threw herself into three sports teams, the band, the drama club and National Honors Society.

On top of her hectic extra-curriculars, this girl maintained a high GPA and graduated with honors. And this is not an exaggeration; it’s the true story of a girl named Andrea. As a freshman at Western Michigan University, Andrea tried to keep the stress-free schedule she never had in high school.

However, perfectionism is actually the pressure we put on ourselves to reach unattainable standards. These standards are almost never reached because they are unrealistic, leaving the person feeling like a failure. Many South Asians believe perfectionism is a strong and highly valued quality to have. Some do not recognize that they are perfectionists, believing that unreasonable standards are normal and commonplace. Here are the most common signs of perfectionism: Perfectionists will often replay their mistakes in their head over and over, unable to move past it easily.

They also mistakenly believe that by making mistakes they will lose the respect of others. Many perfectionists begin to avoid situations where these mistakes occurred In order to preserve their self confidence. Perfectionists learn to have unreasonable standards from parents who are overly demanding or critical. This is very common in South Asian families where parents push their children to be number one at everything that they do.

The 3 Types of Perfectionism Are Ruining Your Life

Introduction Do you feel like what you accomplish is never quite good enough? Do you often put off turning in papers or projects, waiting to get them just right? Do you feel you must give more than percent on everything you do or else you will be mediocre or even a failure?

Buffy is working in a frenzy to prepare food while her friends are too distracted with their monster research to remember to bring fresh peas and bread rolls. She wants everything to be perfect, and you can see the disappointment on her face when no one seems to be taking the meal as seriously as she is. After an intense fight, the gang sits down for their meal and all is well.

Can you relate to that sentiment? I know I can. Do you put a lot of pressure on yourself to do many things at once, completely, and on time? Do you rarely revel in your accomplishments, opting instead to quickly put them behind you and move on to the next thing? Do you have a specific way of doing things that others simply cannot match?

The Link Between Perfectionism and Anxiety

For more general information, please visit our “About OCD” section. When you help people see that their current behavior works more against them than for them over the long-term they recognize that their anxiety is increasing not decreasing , you have an opportunity to encourage them to try something different. Try this same strategy with perfectionists: This is a trickier situation in that perfectionists on average see their perfectionism as something they like and value about themselves, even though they are able to recognize the costs.

Stocksy My high perfectionism was difficult enough to manage in work and life, but it evolved to more painful levels when I became a parent. I isolated myself so people couldn’t see that I didn’t know how to settle my own baby, yet skipped into the health check-ups she was passing with, well, perfection. It gets harder as the kids get older. My daughters are now aged four and eight and, no matter how hard I try, my ridiculously high standards are slipping out of my grasp.

Yet I can’t stop myself from aiming for the stars. This sense of striving is innate; perfectionism is as much a part of my genetic make-up as having brown eyes. So I can either fight it in vain or I can learn to use it to my advantage. Practical Perfection, a book written by my friend Kelly Exeter, provides a framework for using this tricky trait in a positive way. I decided to trial her advice in one area of my life — parenting — where my perfectionism was causing me angst. Make time for your passions: This sounds easy enough — maybe too simple for those of us striving for more, more, more — but perfectionists need this advice more than anyone.

Anxiety Mediates the Relationship between Perfectionism and Insomnia Symptoms: A Longitudinal Study

It is a loop—an obsessive, debilitating closed system that causes you to get stuck in the details of what you are writing or painting or making and to lose sight of the whole. It can also frustrate your efforts as a mom, a wife, a friend, and a human being. Because no one and no thing is perfect in this blemished world of ours.

I tackle this adversary every day.

Most people consider perfectionism to be a desirable trait. As a perfectionist you are sought after for being attentive to detail, analytical, always trying to do the absolute best, never quitting, never stopping, and making sure everything is of tip-top quality. No stone is left un-turned. No negatives are allowed. Everything must be absolutely amazing! Origins There are many possible ways the mindset of perfectionism begins in child hood.

It could have been through bullying and having your self-esteem slowly chipped away, like the trunk of a tree being slowly sawed down until that tall, impressive entity tumbles. As this transfers over into adult life, it is exacerbated by individuals who may be unrelenting in criticism , such as bosses, significant others, and poisonous acquaintances. The Internal Mind Begins to Chatter After hearing so many messages tearing down the self-worth, a large voice of doing more and nothing ever begin sufficient begins to develop internally.

Reports are not written well enough. Any cheat on a diet is considered blasphemy. Spending habits are out of order. Even well meant activities are spun to a negative view.

Why Brené Brown Says Perfectionism Is a 20-Ton Shield